Dilema of the AGING PROCESS

As we grow older, the more aches and pains of places we never experienced before, and can't understand why we hurt so bad, our energy level seems to decrease with age to the point of feeling so exhausted, yet have not really done any particular exercise or task. I tend to feel bad physically and mentally most of the time. Some days are so difficult and wonder to myself, why am I always up so early each day, I have to get up, because I am in pain so badly. It is a dilema we all face as we get older, leaving us NOT being a happy camper. Am so thankful for yet one more day, but then again it contains the daily pains. I hate going to doctors, for before I leave the office, there will be prescriptions for PILLS. Does one ever realize there is a pill on the market for each and every organ, bone and muscle of our bodies?? I have a "petrified" fear of trying to swallow pills, most especially LARGE pills, fear of getting choked, which I have experienced in the past. Big Pharma will certainly "never" go hungry, making millions of dollars for all of those PILLS.  I question side affects, adverse reactions, contraindications of. Pills are never a cure, it may only mask the real problems of all the aches and pains in life. Some, we just have to live and deal with it, IMO

Flowers for peace

I truly love flowers, it is the only thing that cannot hurt me, and brings me joy and peace

TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE

What could you NOT say to me over 5 years ago, that you now wanna say? NOW trying to contact me, for WHAT??

Seeking Peace for my Soul

I find myself at times, standing at my kitchen window, looking out in deep thoughts, how far I have come in this life, fairly easy compared to the many lonely, horrific nites of my past, and childhood, actually never had a real "childhood", only trying to survive in a "prison setting", tho not behind those real bars, but was liken to a prison world, always so isolated and alone, could not have friends, could not go play with other kids, always work and NO play, that step monster was liken to a gestopo or commandant, always "ordering" us around, like puppets on a string(so to speak). Horrific punishments for the least little "infraction."  Tho many years ago, those horrific memories are always present, beyond my control, and those wounds will never heal, which I am forced to live with until my death. Trusting and believing in anyone does not come easy for me, always questioning one's honesty and integrity. Those few that have allowed me to be a part of their world, I am forever grateful!!!

Peace for my soul is trying to help others have a "better and happy life"

Shattered Memories

Shattered Memories

I think of you often and the tears begin to flow, I wonder how you are and what you are doing, and really wonder why the betrayal, why the silence as if I fell off the earth? No calls, no emails, no postal notes, nothing. What actually happened in your life, to totally dismiss   me from your life. You never gave me the courtesy of an explanation. I feel I deserve, at least, that. Friendship was suppose to be a gathering of hearts, and exchange of joy between you and I. My heart is so heavy, sadness consumes me, you led me to believe and trust in you, led me to believe I was so special in your life. You used   and  abused me by your betrayal and silence. You truly “broke” my heart, yet I still miss you and wonder if you are ok!   Never again, will I ever open my soul to anyone!

Friend???

There ISN'T a day that goes by, that I do not think of you.......wondering..........

 

Why the silence? Why have you disowned(apparently so) the friendship we once had?

I trusted you, I believed in you, you were so different in many ways, for the good of my soul,

 

I have not attempted to contact you, for I have no clue as to where you are, or even if you

wanted to have contact with anyone anymore.

 

NO communications, NO notice of your reasoning as to why the silence.

 

I did NOT deserved your silence......I truly believed you WERE A TRUE FRIEND

You shattered my heart, leaving me even more to never trust another soul on this evil planet.

 

I have truly missed you, and where ever you are today, I sincerely wish you good health, and hope you are happy and content in your life. 

 

 I will always "remember" the "good times" we "HAD", but my heart is broken!!

Prison 18 yrs~~

Tho there were no physical "bars", those first 18 yrs of my life was "prison/abuse", My brother and I were trying to survive in an adult world, barbaric and horrific abuse on a daily basis, until I finally ran away, never to return. Before my brother passed away in 2000, I made him a promise that I would continue our quest/mission, to strive to help others, to protect them from a world of abuse, he had told me so many times, he felt so bad, that he could not protect me, but after all, we were just kids, what could he have done? Tho many years ago, those memories are haunting, wounds that never heal, but I strive to move forward and do what I can, to make my voice heard for the children/others. There are so many shattered lives and broken hearts. Compassion, caring, kindness is always FREE, only requires a bit of "time". To be able to "trust" and "believe" in someone, soothes and calms our souls.

I have so much to be thankful for, tho depression hits me often, to the point of sinking back into isolation, exile/solitude.  

But my "promise" is I will always "pay it foward"    I WILL "NEVER" BE SILENT!!!