Wednesday, March 5, 2014
I find myself at times, standing at my kitchen window, looking out in deep thoughts, how far I have come in this life, fairly easy compared to the many lonely, horrific nites of my past, and childhood, actually never had a real "childhood", only trying to survive in a "prison setting", tho not behind those real bars, but was liken to a prison world, always so isolated and alone, could not have friends, could not go play with other kids, always work and NO play, that step monster was liken to a gestopo or commandant, always "ordering" us around, like puppets on a string(so to speak). Horrific punishments for the least little "infraction." Tho many years ago, those horrific memories are always present, beyond my control, and those wounds will never heal, which I am forced to live with until my death. Trusting and believing in anyone does not come easy for me, always questioning one's honesty and integrity. Those few that have allowed me to be a part of their world, I am forever grateful!!!
Peace for my soul is trying to help others have a "better and happy life"
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
I think of you often and the tears begin to flow, I wonder how you are and what you are doing, and really wonder why the betrayal, why the silence as if I fell off the earth? No calls, no emails, no postal notes, nothing. What actually happened in your life, to totally dismiss me from your life. You never gave me the courtesy of an explanation. I feel I deserve, at least, that. Friendship was suppose to be a gathering of hearts, and exchange of joy between you and I. My heart is so heavy, sadness consumes me, you led me to believe and trust in you, led me to believe I was so special in your life. You used and abused me by your betrayal and silence. You truly “broke” my heart, yet I still miss you and wonder if you are ok! Never again, will I ever open my soul to anyone!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
There ISN'T a day that goes by, that I do not think of you.......wondering..........
Why the silence? Why have you disowned(apparently so) the friendship we once had?
I trusted you, I believed in you, you were so different in many ways, for the good of my soul,
I have not attempted to contact you, for I have no clue as to where you are, or even if you
wanted to have contact with anyone anymore.
NO communications, NO notice of your reasoning as to why the silence.
I did NOT deserved your silence......I truly believed you WERE A TRUE FRIEND
You shattered my heart, leaving me even more to never trust another soul on this evil planet.
I have truly missed you, and where ever you are today, I sincerely wish you good health, and hope you are happy and content in your life.
I will always "remember" the "good times" we "HAD", but my heart is broken!!
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Tho there were no physical "bars", those first 18 yrs of my life was "prison/abuse", My brother and I were trying to survive in an adult world, barbaric and horrific abuse on a daily basis, until I finally ran away, never to return. Before my brother passed away in 2000, I made him a promise that I would continue our quest/mission, to strive to help others, to protect them from a world of abuse, he had told me so many times, he felt so bad, that he could not protect me, but after all, we were just kids, what could he have done? Tho many years ago, those memories are haunting, wounds that never heal, but I strive to move forward and do what I can, to make my voice heard for the children/others. There are so many shattered lives and broken hearts. Compassion, caring, kindness is always FREE, only requires a bit of "time". To be able to "trust" and "believe" in someone, soothes and calms our souls.
I have so much to be thankful for, tho depression hits me often, to the point of sinking back into isolation, exile/solitude.
But my "promise" is I will always "pay it foward" I WILL "NEVER" BE SILENT!!!
What I can do or say,
to have you look/communicate my way?
I long for acceptance
just a friendly note or two,
Where are you,
when I call your name?
Such a busy world
is much to blame,
putting off little things
Today's can never be regained
forever lost in this maze.
Where are you, when I call your name?
I miss you, my dear friend,
always thought our friendship
would never end.
Why the rejection, the silence?
I trusted you with my heart and soul.
I miss you, friend?
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
How could you?
For yrs lead me to believe
But was only deceit,
Lies, fakes, rejection and betrayals
This is a friend?
I think/speak your name,
But again silence, ignored
But if one is not true to themselves,
How can one believe in others.
A public façade, for “they” do not really know you,
They have not experienced, the hurt and heartache
You have caused, yet still claim to be a “friend.”
Life is too short, storms continue to gather,
But a fake friend, is not wanted in my world.
If one’s word is NOT their honor,
Time is of the essence, but gets wasted
All I ever wanted was to be accepted and trust
With my heart, it is not to be,
For now I trust ONLY ME.
In the stillness of the nite, my eyes are open wide, cannot sleep for hurting inside.
Deep within my soul I weep, for memories there I don't want to keep. Morning coming so near, another day to face I fear. Memories hauting me from my past, will they forever last? Soothing hopes and dreams, a thought of tomorrow, may will take me away from all the sorrow.
With you in mind brings me serenity, a therapy, (if you will)for a troubled soul and a weary heart.